Features | Experience of the Divinity of Bhagavan by Devotees | Group I | Ms. LEZollars

E-mail: LEZollars@aol.com

'I have been asked to provide a record of how I came to know about Sathya Sai Baba. I am reluctant to share this information, simply because (when) I shared with other Sai devotees how I (had) heard about Swami and these devotees stared at me like I was some kind of lunatic. I have to remind devotees that when you ask someone about something so personal that you have the courtesy to thank that person for sharing his or her experiences. Don't ask if you are unwilling to listen to the answer. Swami attracts people to him in a myriad of ways and no two persons' experiences are ever quite the same. Just as every snowflake is unique in the world, so is every soul's experience of God unique in the universe. It's nice to have that exclusive experience with God. It makes you treasure the moment more.

I love to read devotees' experiences about Swami and I have asked Swami many times to get all his devotees to share their experiences. When I say that I have asked Swami, I mean that I have prayed to Him because I have never actually physically met Swami in person or had the opportunity to talk to him in person and believe that, in this life, I never will. Still it thrills me to this day how I heard about Swami and I never tire of thinking about it.

I had gone to one of those UFO seminars in California when I lived there in the early 90's. I remember Sean David Morton talking about how someone named Sai Baba had kept aircraft with nuclear bombs loaded on them from taking off the ground. I had never ever heard of any one doing anything like that. I thought, 'wow, this guy must be really powerful. And if he's that powerful, may be he can help me.' At the time I thought I had a problem that no one could fix, and in desperation I wrote to Swami and that was how I came to be a Sai Baba devotee.

I had left the UFO meeting determined to find something about this reputed Sai Baba. I found Sandweiss's book about 'Sai Baba and the Psychiatrist' in a Border's bookstore and devoured it. I couldn't understand why I was so attracted to the image of Sai Baba. I used to cut out Swami's pictures from books that I had bought about Swami and would leave these books in the Sai Baba center for other devotees to read, but couldn't bear to part with his picture.

It wasn't until I had traveled to India and had Darshan of Swami in Puttaparti and had seen other saints that I realized I was reacting to the aura that the saint projected. People think that they are just attracted to the facial expressions or the body of a person, but you are really attracted to or repelled by the energy field that that person emits. Our thoughts radiate to the environment around us and are a reflection of the frequency our soul vibrates at. We can fool others with pleasant facial expressions and friendly body posture; but if we are thinking nasty or unpleasant thoughts, it will be reflected in the subtle energy fields that exist around our physical body and people will react to us accordingly

When I did go to India to see Swami, I had powerful experiences without actually meeting him in person the first time. The saints know everything about us, but we know nothing about them unless they allow us to experience them. Because I wasn't quite sure that God hadn't abandoned us (me), I was anxious to know if Swami was really real.

I can assure anyone that one does not need an in-person interview because Swami is quite capable of providing unique, powerful experiences that one never forgets for the entire lifetime whether one is in Bangalore, Delhi, Puttaparti, or 180 degrees around the world. He has unbelievable siddhis or powers, and when you are confronted with them it's a bit frightening.

It was so for me. When Swami looked me in the eye I felt like I was looking into the eyes of a soul so pure and so noble that I was ashamed to return his gaze. I don't know how it would be possible to fake this if Swami didn't have these attributes innately within himself, and that is why I find it hard to believe all the negative slander people have attributed to Swami. The second trip to Puttaparti was uneventful but I must say that Swami helped me out (of) a very difficult situation elsewhere during my trip to India.

It is true when he states that he brings everyone to see him. He knows when his devotees are traveling to see him and he looks after them in their difficulties. He may not remove your karma but he can soften it and will certainly help you through it.

For all the love, admiration and gratitude I have for Swami, it is not easy to be around him. All my faults were reflected back to me whether I wanted to see them or not. Swami is a genius at demonstrating the faults in a person. For instance, I stayed with a family where the lady of the house was a devotee of Amritanandamayi. She would incessantly tell me about how Ammachi had stayed at her house and had given her a sari, and I was just wild with jealousy about how much love and attention her Mayi doted on her. I was acutely aware that I would never ever be close to Sai Baba. If I had actually stayed at the Ashram at Puttaparti, I am sure I would have stayed with a person who would have had many interviews with Swami, and once again I would have been wild with envy.

Sai Baba creates these experiences on purpose so you will realize that you do not have control of your faults and that you lack character. I remember very well a second incident of my jealousy with a devotee that Swami had sent padukas to. This person was coming to speak at our Sai center and I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to go. If Swami didn't love me enough to give me padukas, I didn't want to go hear about someone else's good fortune. Actually I had decided to leave Sai Baba at that point and had given His pictures and books to the lady who had taken me to the Sai Centre where I lived then.

That night I had a nightmare where Swami was threatening to curse me if I did not go to that lecture. If I could not have the love and attention of Sai Baba I could not live in a world in which I was cursed by Sai Baba, so I went to that meeting and listened attentively and did everything I had been instructed to do in that dream. That is when I realized that every body's experience of Sai Baba is unique and appropriate for them (that person). Listening to their experience with Swami made me value my own experience with Swami more. I lost some of my jealousy that very day.

I have met unusual people who are close to Swami and command His personal attention. These individuals do God's work in God's name and are engaged in selfless service. These individuals have self-discipline and character, and are themselves exceptional people. They have undergone trials and tribulations, which I could not endure and I was glad that Swami did not ask this of me.

The need for which Sai Baba has incarnated is so great. Every minute of the Avatar's time has to count. He has to put his attention where it will yield the most fruit. Those of you who have character and self-discipline will benefit greatly from this Avatar and yourselves will become advanced souls because the greatness is within Sai Baba that he can transform individuals in a like manner. The rest of you laggards like myself, who cannot overcome personal deficiencies, will admire Sai Baba from afar. Those of us who cannot stand the heat will get out of the fire.'

-- Ms. LEZollars.

(As sent on e-mail to info@vedamu.org on August 21, 2004.)